At the age of 19, I was diagnosed with a hereditary, progressive eye disease called Retinitis Pigmentosa. The Dr. predicted I’d have 3-5 years left to read and 10 before being totally blind. However, I was fortunate enough for it to progress much slower. About every six months, I could count on some detectable change requiring adaptation.
Driving at night was never allowed so evenings were harder on me anyway, but by the time winter rolled around, so did the winter blues. These blues worsened when I married three – Steve and his two teens. The increased responsibilities and activities kept me hopping. I faced new limitations so when darkness crowded in shortening daylight, depression filled my being. Sleep, sleep, more sleep, every winter worsened with my vision loss. It reached the point I feared I might require medication. Thankfully, with much prayer, a supportive husband, and a problem-solving mind, I began to discover things to try.
First, I would not stay inside any longer than three days to prevent cabin fever, no matter what the weather. Lightening my schedule to keep my routine more manageable also helped some. Even then, I had to dig a little deeper to discover the true culprit of my depression.
Once I realized my daily routine was turned upside-down in the winter, it dawned on me, I was going blind all over again. I tended to do housework during sunlight. In the winter, not only did the light disappear earlier, but also it would not shine through my windows to aid in my cleaning. That meant less things crossed off my list. It meant going from doing laundry first thing in the morning to early afternoon. Whatever I got used to for several months went by the wayside. Doing less hurt, but feeling the emotions of losing sight all over again did me in. Instead of a game, “He loves me, He loves me not,” I played, “Now she sees, now she does not.”
Accepting this realization lessened the pain. No matter what, it would be a part of my life. The initial adjustment phase each winter of depression insists on visiting, but this guest checks out earlier than I used to.
After recognizing the cause and acceptance, I could be proactive. I could start doing something about it. We talked about possibly tanning for the bright lights. Transportation and finding time cancelled that idea. Buying a mood lamp to sit by was another one, but Steve found unfiltered lights that go in them sold separately. These critters ended up hanging in my living room fixtures brightening my room and my mood. No medication was necessary.
Do you suffer from the winter blues?
Do you know the cause?
Let me know.
© 2015, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.
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