Who’s Fault is It?

“Why did you leave your pop there?” I asked grabbing a towel as my face continued to turn red. “If you wouldn’t have left it there and put it up like you were supposed to, I wouldn’t be cleaning this up,” I continued, even though I knew no one was there to respond.

In life, I find myself constantly blaming others as if finding fault helps the situation. Arguments with my husband start with, “You should’ve…” or “If only.” My favorite was, “You should’ve never put that $100 in an envelope and laid it on the kitchen counter.”

You see, without thinking, I picked it up and laid the white envelope on the solid, black burner on my stove to provide contrast to aid in my failing eyesight. Yep, you guessed it. I didn’t see it, but I smelled the smoke.

I was so mad at myself. All I could think was, “If he had just kept it until after I finished cooking, our money wouldn’t have gone up in smoke.”

You read it right. I was mad at myself, but blamed my husband. Hey, hey…I’m only human. Reading between the lines, my sweet husband rescued me. No blame came from his lips, although he might have been biting them by then. Instead, he went to the bank for me. They graciously replaced my money that day. The story hasn’t died, nor the lesson it taught me.

In every argument, we focus on being right and blaming the other person. This started in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. Eve blamed the serpent and Adam blamed God, “It was the woman You gave Me…” (Gen. 3:12, NLT)  Ever since, the habit has hung around. Children start it at an early age and it never stops.

I admit it is a habit I still am trying to break, and one my grandsons excel in. When I began homeschooling them, I began seeing it from a different perspective. Those two boys fought constantly. It was a professional tattling match and each case came before Judge Jena. I quickly learned to sit them on the couch in silence for a minute or two before hearing each one present their case. However, I quickly interrupted as soon as they started telling me what their brother did. I redirected the conversation with my line of questioning. I did my best to change their focus from blame to personal responsibility. Once they each confessed their own wrong-doing, they were sentenced to an apology first and foremost.

Why do we believe someone has to be blamed? There isn’t a rule saying one has to be right and the other wrong, yet our mouths find fault with someone. We must rise above this human character flaw, the way my husband frequently demonstrates  by changing our focus from blame or being right to personal responsibility.

Of course, there are plenty of times things just happen. I believe it’s called accidents. Even if we believe otherwise, like it’s the government’s fault, don’t blame. Instead, focus on a way to change it. No matter what, the bottom line is we can change our focus away from this false belief of blaming.

Can you think of other things to focus on instead of blame?

© 2015, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.