What is it Like to be Married to a Blind Person

With all the talk of blindness awareness month, my knight in shining armor, ask to share what it is like to be married to a blind person. Please enjoy.

When you travel through life many things catch you by surprise. Falling in love, with Jena, was one of those surprises that happen to me. We met while my brother, Tom, and I, were building a house for her. I met her first because I remember meeting her on March the 8^th. She didn’t remember meeting me until April 2^nd .

When we started working on the house I was told that the lady buying the house was blind. I begin to try to learn some about retinitis Pigmentosa, the disease that Jena has. I learned it is a rare, progressive disease that leads to total blindness, usually somewhere around retirement age. Unfortunately for Jena it progressed much faster leaving her totally blind before forty.

The years that Jena had a sliver of vision was very interesting, she would see something thinking it was one thing when it was really something else leading to a few good discussions. Jena wanted to see so bad that she would be emphatic that what she believed it was, it was! Sometimes it didn’t matter so we just let it be what she thought it was.

Learning how to lead Jena without running her into stuff was interesting. She acquired many bruises along the way. We managed to knock over an antique water pump in a restaurant, run into a few post in different stores, and spill a few glasses of tea, by bumping tables. All in all she survived like a trooper. Even now we sometimes accidentally run her into a chair or something when walking in crowded places.

One of the little things I didn’t think about was calling to have her look at a book or note that I had left at home. Common thing to do but being married to someone that is blind didn’t, wasn’t possible. Now, there are different devices to read it to her but I have kind of trained myself to make sure I have what I need before I leave.

With Jena not driving, it takes more actual planning to make sure everyone is taken care of as for as transportation goes. We have to look at all the different places we need to go and see what is the biggest priorities and decide which ones to put on another day. Church and things where we both go are not to difficult. My work, her activities that she goes to alone, take the most work.

Putting things back exactly where they go has always been a big challenge for me. It looks like it is in the same place to me but lo and behold it is off two inches and she can’t find it. So I now have to try and memorize where everything is at all times. Many times Jena will call me and ask where something is and I have to have that visual image in my head so I can guide her to it over the phone.

I do believe being married to someone who is blind has definitely had two big impacts on my life. The first is that it has made me hugely more aware of other peoples needs. I have always lean toward being compassionate but watching what Jena deals with on a daily basis has truly shown me a whole new world. The absolute necessity of having to memorize so many things because you have no visual clues to remind you of even the simplest of things. In this memorizing, those of us that know Jena knows she is unbelievable in what she is able to accomplish.

The second thing that I know her blindness has done in our lives is that it has brought us closer together than if she was sighted. One of the key components of any marriage is communication. Jena, being blind, has taught me to learn to be clear in my communication. When we miss communicate it can cause true disasters in our world.

I want to say thank you for reading my perspective and say even a bigger thank you to Jena for allowing the privilege of spending my life with her.

Steve Fellers

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