What Complaining Can Reveal About Yourself?

Would you prefer to be around a positive person giving you a compliment, or a negative complainer? Matthew 7:12, the Golden Rule says to treat others the way we want to be treated. I believe that also applies to the way we talked to each other. No one wants to hear complaining all the time but many of us sometimes get in a place in life where we complain to others even though we would not want them complaining to us.

Church attenders aren’t much different, which saddens me since our actions and words either draws people closer to Jesus, or pushes them away from Him. Not many complainers are in our church, though, because my husband tells our members over and over again, not to complain unless they’re willing to do it themselves. Yes, they might be able to do it better, but if they’re not willing to do it at all, then they don’t have a right to complain.

Based on my observations, complaining…

– covers up hidden facts about ourselves we’re not willing to face

– means you’re focused on the wrong thing

– isn’t productive

– hurts others

– means we’re not grateful nor appreciative of other’s efforts

– means we’re not happy with our own actions and abilities

Complaints cover up hidden problems. We must be proactive and look deep within to uncover ours. Once the problem is revealed, we can search for solutions.

Here’s some of my past complaints and what I learned from them.

Complaint: “I can’t keep up with housework anymore.”

Hidden Problem: I realized there were 3 different reasons. (1) new vision loss, (2) a false belief that my family should be doing more, and (3) our schedule was getting busier than I could handle.

Solution: Not wanting to harm those I love with unnecessary accusations, I needed to take responsibility for my own actions. I could lighten my schedule, learn to be happy serving my family, and find alternate methods of productivity.

Complaint: “I don’t like your attitude,” or “That’s the wrong way to do…” I’d say to my youngest.

Hidden Problem: My child was merely mirroring me. Her behavior was reflecting my bad habits and attitudes. OUCH!

Ever since, I’ve noticed how many complainers possess the same problem they’re pointing out. . I don’t understand the psychology behind this, but it’s a frequent flyer problem.

Solution: I needed to change – to step up and be the Godly example worth imitating. This requires being intentional. This felt like a sacrifice so I had to change my point of view that it was an investment instead.

I wish these were the only two areas I complained, but as positive of a person as I like to be, I’m not.

Complaint: “Why did you buy the wrong brand of toothpaste and cheese? I didn’t want the large trash bags.”

Hidden problem: Having others shop for me meant losing my independence. Buying the wrong items might mean having to replace it, not having enough room on a shelf, or losing money I didn’t feel we could afford. Therefore, I had a problem surrendering control. I couldn’t appreciate the help given because my eyes were on my own inconvenience (victim mentality). . I also became aware of how much I justified things just because I couldn’t do it for myself. Wow, it’s hard to believe I confessed this to so many.

Might as well tell you my justifications now. I thought, “I could do this better if I could see,” or, “I’m just clarifying for next time so they know my needs. . .you know, communicating.”

Solution: I need to appreciate any and all help by putting myself in their shoes (how would I want to be treated). I especially needed to surrender control and TRUST God and my husband with our money. After all, there’s no problems; just adjustments.

Complaint: “I don’t want to do the dinners five nights a week anymore. I’m tired of teaching Children’s Church, too.”

Hidden problem: Simple – burn out.

Solution: Rest and prayer. God strengthens us when we stay in His will. A little extra sleep never hurt anyone either.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is to Take my complaints to the Lord for He knows all. God will search my heart and help me find a solution. However, we live in a fleshly body so this is an ongoing process rather than a finished product. May God help you CHANGE YOUR FOCUS from complaining to searching for a solution.

Which example helped you the most? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. Thanks for sharing.

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© 2016, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.