Unexpected Losses

“No one will marry me. I won’t be able to have a family, live by myself, or drive.” These were my initial thoughts at age nineteen when diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa, a progressive eye disease,  Boy, was I wrong. Most of my fears and challenges were overcome, but some losses were discovered I could never have imagined .

Here they are:

1. Playing games:
Partial vision loss left me unable to read cards or identify squares on a game board so I ordered large print cards for Uno and a special domino set. Wanting me to play other games, my kids worked hard adapting rules for me. Nonetheless, playing the games I had always loved wasn’t possible. Without sight, I have no interest in playing adaptive video games for the blind at this time.

2. Shampooing carpet:
Here a spill – there a spill. Scrubbing shadows at first, I’d await for a stamp of approval from family, or for them to finish. Pets replaced children and “happy spots” replaced spills. Woolite and Resolve controlled matters, but shampooers are too complex. This unexpected loss fell on family instead.

3. Getting the mail:
With our mailbox located on the street over 15 yards from the house, I grabbed my cane, trailed the drive, then the street. Managing to fall while pregnant, I surrendered retrieving the mail. Safety first. This loss not only was unexpected, but tough. I had looked forward to getting the mail since 4th-grade.

4. Going outside:
A nice patio sat outside our dining room, but children and grandchildren moved furniture often. Worrying about my safety, I respected my husband’s wish and adjusted to the security of the indoors. Then, we moved two years ago. Now, I have a wooden deck on the south side. With patio furniture strategically placed, it’s safe for me to walk outside independently. An unexpected reversal, and blessing.

5. Exercise:
Learning exercises required searching for videos with close-up photography and explicit verbal instructions when visually impaired. Classes or reading printed exercises weren’t feasible.  I had to rely on one-on-one instruction utilizing demonstration with touch. Any level of achievement depends on assistance from others. Mom and I did circuit machines at a gym, and my husband and I use bands together. We own a treadmill. Movement remains minimal though.

6. Read to my children:
I know, this should be a no-brainer, but it wasn’t. When you know how to read and can see some, the thought of not being able to read certain items escapes you. When my baby came along, I used a special machine to read with; not magnifying glasses. Before bed, I plopped her on my lap and turned pages while engaging in dialogue.  It didn’t work out too well or last very long.

7. Matching jewelry with clothes:
Imagining if colored jewelry matches clothes is a burden I prefer not to bear. Silver and gold work perfectly. I simply plan ahead and memorize to compensate for this unexpected loss.

8. Shop:
I expected to lose my ability to shop independently, but not to lose it completely. Have you ever thought how many new brands come out regularly, and how often endcaps or other shelves are rearranged? No amount of memory can handle that capacity load. Not to mention all the marketing changes with coupons, kickbacks, and every other marketing ploy out there. I must rely on friends and families, and shop where they shop.

9. Grieving:
One of the most unexpected losses was the challenge of grieving. Unable to see the casket or its contents, pictures and videos of the deceased, or any other memorabilia leaves a vacuum.

10. Killing spiders:
Funny, but true. I’d hear my grandkids jumping and squabbling over who should kill a spider. I wasn’t afraid, yet I couldn’t see it to squish it. By myself, flies are worse. It’s annoying being unable to squash, swat, or spray pests you used to.

11. My opinion:
Odd, but one day I realized I couldn’t completely form my own opinion. Facial clues and body language aren’t present so I glean from words and tone of voice. Descriptions and explanations vary as much as flipping through news channels. Does the dress really not fit properly, the picture look outdated, and the décor not match?

12. Send cards.
Finding the right thoughts expressed in poetry, then sending to whom it reminded me of gave me pleasure. This ability disappeared with my reading. Thank-you cards continued a bit longer with my special magnifying machine, but no more.

Everybody lives with something, and I have come to accept these unexpected losses. They have stretched me in ways I wouldn’t have predicted either and I pray a better person as a result.

QUESTION:  Which loss surprised you the most? Had you ever thought about any of these? Please share with us in the comments below.

Thanks for dropping in and sharing my posts with your friends. Take time to look around for more encouragement. Blessings.

© 2022, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.