Forgiveness; the Most Powerful Gift You Can Give

Attacked as a freshman in high school by a group of students much older than he, Steve was finally able to escape, in spite of being wounded and afraid. By the time I married him, he was able to share his story of forgiveness for these men.

A few years later we were traveling and a tail light went out. Pulling into the auto parts store, he ran in. Instantly, his eyes caught sight of one of his attackers behind the counter. Steve approached the counter cautiously, hoping he wouldn’t be recognized.

Steve’s eyes widened as fear held him hostage. The employee leaped over the counter with outstretched arms, as if preparing to strangle. Ready to defend himself, Steve’s muscles tighten until he heard the gentleman elatedly call his name, then proceeded to share his story of salvation and professional career.

Harmful Ticks

Not everyone suffers from such tragedies. Some suffer from much worse, or more. However, traveling through life, all of us pick up hurts, I call “ticks”.

• being bullied
• jealousy
• loaned money not being paid back
• broken promises
• and much more

It doesn’t matter whether the “tick” came from crimes or small stuff. What matters is if it gets left there because they attach to us and suck the life out of us.

Forgiveness

Offenses lie hidden, invisible to peers. The more offenses, the heavier the hidden chains. However, symptoms of anger, hate, resentment, and bitterness can reveal unforgiveness. These undealt hurts harden into stone, building walls, or spawning insecurities which easily topple into bad choices.

Forgiveness is at the core of Christianity. However, forgiving others easily  ranks right up there with loving others on the “hard-to-do” list. So, let’s try to build the character trait of forgiveness.

Counseling or God’s Word finally illuminates, allowing a person to see their chains or ticks. It is then, they are faced with a choice to let go by forgiving perpetrators or offenders. In ministry we see many refuse, continuing to carry their weight and live in bondage to a person that is clueless or doesn’t care.

If someone chooses not to forgive, they are choosing to be controlled like a puppet by the very person they’re despising. Forgiving is tough. There’s absolutely no way of saying otherwise. When I get hurt in the ministry, I think about Peter denying Christ three times before Jesus was going to sacrifice His own life for Peter . . . and us. I also remember what Jesus said on the cross, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

Naturally, remembering this doesn’t give me the strength to forgive, but it’s a start. No, I don’t have the ability to forgive in and of myself. I must ask the One who forgave . . . Jesus.

Forgive Yourself

Another thing seen repeatedly in ministry is the inability to forgive one’s self. Yes, it’s a biggie. Many have trouble not forgiving the rebellious time of their teen years, marrying the wrong person, or not sticking with college or a particular job. We keep blame like a blanket and wrap it tight about us. Set yourself free – forgive yourself. You can’t change your past, but you can change your future.

Without forgiving others or yourself, peace nor happiness will truly exist in its entirety. Confusion sometimes slides in when a person does forgive, since memories revisit from time to time. However, Forgiveness and forgetting are two different things. Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you have to be good friends with them. Thus, the reason for Steve’s anxiety returning in that auto part store.

The purpose of forgiveness is to set you free. It isn’t for others, but for you . . . a powerful gift to yourself! You may or may not need to ask forgiveness face to face. That’s a matter for prayer. It may not be safe to do so . . . physically or emotionally. It could even be a trap to enslave you once again. Be careful. Be wise.

Action Steps:

1. Seek the Lord. Ask Him to reveal who you’ve given power from the past. Keep praying, asking the Lord to help you forgive those people one by one, so you may be forgiven.

2. If you’re one of those struggling to forgive yourself, repeat this sentence daily. “I did the best at the time with the knowledge I had.” Learn to accept the fact that more than likely you couldn’t have changed anything. When this sinks in, you should be able to forgive yourself.

3. For some, it is easier to let go and let God when they realize those offending are people with problems too. They may not even know they offended you, or they may be full of hate from being a victim themselves . . . and you don’t want to lower yourself to their standard. It’s even possible you might have offended  others similarly.

The point is, no matter the size of the offense, we’re all carrying weight we need to be free of. Forgiving needs to be a way of life. Don’t let poison stay in your body long when the antidote is just a prayer away.

© 2022, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.