A Journey Through a Rare Anxiety Disorder

All children experience anxiety periodically, but some can suffer from an extreme anxiety disorder, regardless of home life or circumstances. I know, I raised a child with an extreme anxiety disorder called Oppositional Defiance Disorder, and her fears weren’t related to her environment.

I was surprised, upon meeting my friend, Mary Brock, to learn about a rarer anxiety disorder; Selective Mutism. I’ve asked her to share her journey through this extreme anxiety disorder. Here’s her story.

A Journey through Selective Mutism

Baffled by the fact my husband and I were the only ones who knew our daughter could speak, we sought medical advice when she was three years of age. Soon, we learned this strange phenomenon had the term “Selective Mutism.”

Never hearing of selective mutism before, I quickly began researching. I wanted to be the best parent possible. In the process, we discovered an organization whose purpose was to educate on this rare disorder and eventually became a state representative for them.

What is Selective Mutism?

It is an anxiety disorder that produces such a tremendous fear of speaking the tongue literally becomes paralyzed and the person cannot speak. It typically occurs in social settings such as school or church. These precious little ones can speak just fine at home where they are comfortable. It is NOT shyness.  It goes beyond the butterflies in the stomach we all feel at times when public speaking.

Signs of Selective Mutism:

• Appearing “frozen” when someone approaches.  The child will stand motionless, and stare expressionless.
• Instantly stops talking when someone else enters the room.
• Might play with other children but will not speak with them unless completely comfortable. They may prefer to play alone.
• Crying for no apparent reason, becoming ill at the thought of going someplace or avoiding eye contact.
• Typically appears before the age of 5 and is thought of as shyness until school begins when it becomes apparent there is something else occurring.
• Consistent failure to speak for at least a month.
• Responds to questions by slowly raising their hand and pointing.
• May be delayed socially and want to play with children who are younger.

Parent Strategies

1. Be an encourager – every day.  God made them unique and they are so special.
2. Praise your child in private for their strengths and any attempt they make to communicate.
3. Listen – it is hard for the SM child to express how they feel. 
4. Reward communicative behavior; not speech. Give your child a reward for nodding, writing a note, pointing, smiling, and whispering
5. Gently nudge your child out of their comfort zone through arranging play dates, inviting neighbors over for dinner, and/or signing them up for swimming lessons. Engaging them in these normal daily activities provides much-needed exposure and opportunities for communication.
6. Be patient! It may take a matter of months, or as in our situation, years. Do not give up on your child. They are worth the fight!
7. Create plans on how to expand communication. For example, if you notice your child is smiling, pointing, nodding more than usual with a specific neighbor child arrange for play dates so communication can continue. 
8. Eventually, introduce a tape recorder, or video, as a transitional method of communicating. Since part of the fear is how others will perceive their voice, allow your child to respond by going in another room and taping their answer and playing it back for the person. Odd-sounding, it worked very well for us! Videotaping worked even better since it serves as solid proof.
9. Reduce anxiety by teaching relaxation techniques, and encouraging them to use them.
10. Most importantly, pray.

My journey can be summed up by a quote from Abraham Lincoln.

I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day.

Many days I hurt because my child hurt, and I didn’t know what to do. No one else did either, so I learned to get on my knees and stay there. Psalms 34:17 gave me much comfort:

The righteous cry out for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.

Looking back, I see how this journey taught me to depend on God in a WAY I might not have otherwise, for which I’m thankful. We have won the battle.

God gave us the victory over Selective Mutism, through prayer, guidance, and medication. don’t feel bad about putting your child on medication if that is what doctors recommend. I did not want to do that but now see it was the best choice for us. It was a great tool.

To learn more about Selective Mutism, click here. 

Jena again. Anxiety is a symptom of hidden fears. Children aren’t exempt, yet parents aren’t expecting the ramifications it causes. I hope this has increased your awareness and can help parents get through challenging times. Please share this with other parents, and pray for all parents – raising children isn’t easy with or without an extreme anxiety disorder.

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Mary is a wife, mom, friend, co-worker, sister, and lover of the Lord Jesus.

She lives in the beautiful Midwest, surrounded by sunshine, amazing lakes, lightning bugs, walking trails, and sometimes mountains of snow. Her passions are family, traveling inexpensively, the outdoors, and sharing how God changed everything. Mary shares her journey of attempting to live life with integrity on her blog. Check it out here. 

© 2020, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.