Prevent Guilt: Avoid These 5 Triggers

If you could prevent feelings of guilt in your life, would you?

What if I told you it is easier than you might think?

It is.

Triggers

Words can be powerful. They can soothe like medicine, or they can cut like a knife. They can be combined to trigger every kind of emotion possible: guilt, depression, anxiety, fear, joy, peace and calm.

I don’t know about you, but I prefer prevention over any type of painful experience, especially when it is as simple as avoiding five triggers we think or speak.

I became aware of three of these triggers from a precious woman in our congregation. She shared her wisdom about how she and her husband realized avoiding three phrases kept guilt feelings at bay.

Upon reflecting, I realized how these phrases create guilt by opening our mind to past wounds. Sometimes they open our minds to even more negative emotions than guilt.

As I thought, I recalled two other common phrases that trigger the same type of thinking.

While realizing how influential these combined words were in messing with our minds, I was relieved to know how simple it is to resolve. It is a matter of learning what they are and being intentional about avoiding the use of them.

Isn’t that a big relief?

How can words make us feel guilty?

It is amazing how words can be grouped together to create emotion, recall past thoughts, or inspire new dreams.

As Christians, we know satan is out to kill, steal, and destroy us. What better way than by setting traps. 

Traps snare.

That is how he deceived Eve in the Garden of Eden. Right?

If satan can cause doubt to enter our minds, the battle is halfway over. It doesn’t take much for us to entertain any negative thoughts.

The deal is, we usually trip ourselves up with these phrases first, so satan doesn’t even have to try.

If we’re not watchful and on guard, these word traps can ensnare us. By the time we realize it, they have already taken our thoughts captive, leaving us to dwell on feelings of guilt.

These five phrases open past wounds and failures without our noticing, until it is too late. Sneaky little critters. They keep us from being about our Father’s business.

It’s easier not to say them than to get caught in the powerful trap they will snare you in. I promise you, they will inadvertently push your thoughts in directions they don’t want to go. They steal your focus from positive to negative ones. 

Are you ready to learn these phrases? Drumroll please . . .

5 Trigger phrases to avoid:

1. I would’ve
2. I could’ve
3. I should’ve
4. I wish
5. If only

Let’s take a closer look.

1. I would’ve . . .

I would’ve bought you a present, but my electric bill was higher than I expected.

Oops. Now my mind will dwell on my high electric bill. Worry will hold my emotions hostage as I contemplate how to pay it.

I would’ve married this person or that, if I hadn’t moved off to college.

When relationships fail, we tend to play the “look back” game, especially if you’re divorced now, or widowed. We punish ourselves for not making a better decision.

I can guarantee the past isn’t the same as you’re remembering it so you won’t have to let go if you avoid this phrase.

I would’ve put my kid in private school knowing what I know now.

Hear the guilt and shame starting to brew in your mind? If your child got into trouble in high school, it’s not your fault. You did the best you knew at the time. Our children have the power of choice.

We must forgive ourselves, and move forward in mercy and grace.

2. I could’ve . . .

I could’ve done this or that if I didn’t wear glasses, have a broken leg, or some other health condition.

Oh, oh. Depression is on its way. You’re already feeling sorry for yourself. Next comes guilt and anger as you blame yourself.

I could’ve helped, but I had too much to do.

Yep, you guessed it. More feeling sorry for yourself. Regret moves in and guilt tags along.

I could’ve had a house like that if I had saved money.

Blaming ourselves swings a door wide open for guilt to walk in. We temporarily feel better when we punish ourselves.

3. I should’ve . . .

I should’ve bought that person a hamburger.

Realizing something after the fact won’t let you time-warp for a do-over. While it’s good to learn from, dwelling on this phrase isn’t healthy. Move forward.

I should’ve never waited hand and foot on my spouse.

You made a choice and you’ve learned to live with it for forty years now, so don’t bring up something you are coping with. I tell ya – it’s a trap from the enemy!

If it really is a true problem, there are steps you can take to change it, rather than getting stuck by using this phrase.

I should’ve never done . . .

Hindsight is 20/20. There’s nothing dwelling on this will do to improve things. Forgive yourself and take your next step. Don’t look back any longer!

4. I wish . . .

I wish I had such and so.

Are you dreaming, or planning? Without goals or action steps, you’re just dreaming. This kind of dreaming is dangerous, as it leads to frustrations and guilt for not accomplishing your dreams.

Planning is what turns real dreams into reality.

I wish I could have a cleaner house.

How bad do you want it? If it’s a priority, you will make-a-plan to make it happen. Otherwise, guilt lingers.

I wish I had never . . .

Here, regret automatically allowed guilt to slip in. Avoid dwelling on these thoughts and you will also avoid upcoming anxiety and depression.

5. If only . . .

If only my child wasn’t born with a speech impediment.

Sorrow creates undesirable emotions. Instead, it is imperative we accept our circumstances and start finding solutions on how to cope.

Naturally, prayer is the best start, for God can heal, give wisdom, and make a way for us.

If only I hadn’t overslept.

I’m guilty of this one. One mistake and we beat ourselves up, especially when it comes to time. 

Oversleeping means a shorter day with which to complete tasks. It might mean we missed a medical appointment or worse, kids late to school.

If only I was more attractive or had nicer clothes . . .

Boy, don’t we all wish that from time to time? Where does thinking like this get us though? I reckon we could have plastic surgery, but I prefer to make the most of what God has given me. He has a purpose for my life, and yours.

A Trick to Avoid Dwelling on These Phrases

Obviously, we can’t keep these phrases from entering our minds, we can, however, avoid dwelling on them.

The same friend who suggested to me how dangerous these phrases were, also told me how her and her husband made an agreement to avoid them.

It is an awesome trick!

It makes lots of sense. Since the problem is in the mind, why not use the mind to defeat the problem.

They simply agreed with each other that they needed to have a bookcase where they could put “would’ve, could’ve, and should’ve” on a shelf and lock it up with a key. How creative of them!

Those phrases point us to the past. Living in the past isn’t productive and creates much guilt and pain.

Instead of living in the past, we can use my friend’s trick, and avoid all five phrases.

Pay attention. Catch yourself when those phrases enter your mind, then throw them on that imaginary bookshelf where the key has been lost or thrown away.

Can’t unlock it now!

It’s not a cure, but you now have a trick to start you in the right direction. Move forward in your life with less guilt.

Please prevent guilt in your friend’s lives by sharing this post on social media. They will thank you, and so will I!

© 2022, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.