With limited vision, most people didn’t understand how I could home school my daughter. However, the lack of eyesight wasn’t my biggest battle, although it brought a few challenges along the way. My biggest battle was buried deep within and wouldn’t be discovered for a while.
A four-drawer filing cabinet and a bookcase overflowing with curriculum from my days as an elementary special education teacher sat in my home office. I had enough material to teach for a couple of years, but wanted a set curriculum for language arts. As we plugged along, I discovered my daughter’s pace and needs were different from the curriculum I selected. By the end of first grade, I had bought four curriculums, supplemented with my abundance, and made a lot of my own.
My biggest battle emerged as I attempted to figure out the cause of my frustration. Most of my time was spent trying to accomplish everything set forth in whatever curriculum I purchased, which switched every year or two. I felt bound. The false belief came from my education background where I felt I needed to cover all the material included. I then reminded myself of my true goals, objectives, and purpose. I remembered even teachers choose what chapters they want to teach and which ones could be omitted.
The power of choice was in me.
Needless to say, sometime during the school year, I’d find myself fighting this same battle over and over again. Each time I took a time-out and rediscovered my own creativity. Confidence rose in part of me, only to plummet when doubt crept in repeatedly. I’d slip back into doing lesson plans according to the way the curriculum was designed, rather than the way my child was designed.
No matter the subject or the grade she was in, I fought this battle of false expectations the entire years I schooled her. Anger would rise as if I had lost in some competition before I calmed myself down once again. With my ultimate goal returning, I realized methods and materials are tools for me to use; not to be governed by. I gave myself permission to use the tools in a new or different way.
It seems all of us have some battle, struggle, or hinderance we fight the majority of our life. It usually is based on some false expectation we have for ourselves or others. It could be the feeling of being unloved, not good enough, or not forgiving yourself after God has. Have you experienced one that comes to your mind? I’d love to hear about it in my comments below.
© 2015 – 2023, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.
I am now in my mid sixtys, for the majority of my life, up untill the last three or four years, I could say I never felt good enough. The insecurity was within myself, always wanting to be a part, just never seemed to fit anywhere. I now know I was full of fear. Fear is a controling enemy that never lets you alone. I found the antidote to fear, and now I am fear free.
In the Word there is a scripture that says, “Perfect love cast out all fear.” Perfect love comes from relationship with Jesus Christ. Relationship comes from learning of His Word, and who He is and who we are in Him. Faith in His Word, is the opposite of fear, so now I know and understand, that the Perfect love of Jesus Christ is the only answer to being ruled by fear. It is so good to be FEAR FREE!
Hey June. Thanks for your insightful comment. Most people deal with insecurity in our country. I’m glad you found the cause and God’s answer from His Word. I pray others will share from their hearts the way you have.