Loss and Grief During the Holiday Season

As families come together to give thanks, or to celebrate the birth of their Lord, many find themselves at funerals and coping with grief. My friend understands this from personal experience.

I’ve invited her here today to share how to get through such mixed emotions. Please welcome Heather Margiotta. Enjoy Heather’s words of wisdom.

For many, Christmas is a time of year that is full of anticipation and excitement. Seeing family members they haven’t seen in a while, watching others open up gifts they put time and effort into and eating glorious amounts of food.

But, for those of us who’ve experienced a loss, we tend to look at the holidays differently. Yes, we’re excited to see our family members, watch them open their gifts, and of course, eating until we enter a food coma. While we’re experiencing the joy there’s a part of our hearts that can’t help but think about that empty chair around the table, the one person not there to open gifts, and the times we think, “If ‘insert name’ was here I would totally tell them about this!”

December of 2011, five days before Christmas, my brother’s life here on earth ended after an accidental drug overdose in the bathroom stall of a local library. For me, the year following my brother’s death felt like a permanent rest stop in the middle of a long road trip. I was in an unfamiliar place and never really wanted to stop in the first place but had no choice.

While every day following my brother’s passing looked and felt different, through my struggles I chose to surrender it all at the feet of Jesus, even on the days where all I could do was sleep. Often, I think we’re too hard on ourselves and what I mean by that is this idea that surrendering our struggles to Jesus means that every day we live like nothing ever happened. That if we still struggle or feel any emotion other than joy, then that means we’re not surrendering.

Can I tell you how wrong that is?

Surrendering to Christ is taking every single real and raw emotion we have, recognizing it for what it is, talking to God about it, knowing what His Word says about it, Worshiping Christ in spite of how we feel, and taking each day as it’s own with a willing heart to allow God to heal and mend the brokenness. It’s inviting God into the middle of the mess not sweeping it under the rug.

And friend, that is how you and I can handle our grief during each passing holiday season.

Every year brings a different kind of grief. Some years it’s heavy while others it’s light. Some years you may be saddened by how light it is because you don’t want the memory of your loved one to go away. Some years it will feel like it was yesterday when you said goodbye.

So, while each year comes with changes to your grief, the solution is constant and steady:

Prayer Helps with the Burden of Grief

Prayer is your lifeline. It’s a tool you use to build that foundation you plant your feet firmly on. Whether you’re a person who says a lot or very little, it doesn’t matter. Actively step away from the chaos of your day and enter into the presence of Jesus. Speak whatever is on your heart and through prayer allow God to continue to heal and fill you with His peace and joy. Taking this time each year will ensure the burden of grief to be lifted.

Matthew 6:6 says:

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.“

Knowing the Word Helps Handle Grief

Make an effort on a regular basis to know God through His Word, allowing it to be a habitual part of your life. Dig deep into scripture and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you. Study out the stories, messages, letters, etc. When you know what the Word of God says, you will know exactly how to handle grief and will find great comfort in your pain. Scripture will play on repeat in your heart during those days grief comes knocking on your door. Jesus is your ultimate healer and while people and their words can be tools Jesus uses to aid in your healing, ultimately He and His Word are your sources of the healing.

Psalm 119:105 says:

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.“

Worshiping Reminds You God Has Taken Your Grief

Start each day with worship. Play your favorite worship songs while you shower and get ready for the day or in the car on the way to work or holiday event. Be proactive with your time of worship and don’t just wait until you feel the side effects of grief. Starting your day off praising God for who He is will keep you under His wings and protected. God has already taken your grief and given you peace and a light load and worship reminds your soul of that.

Psalm 100 says:

“Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.“

Three Simple Truths

While these are simple truths and I’m sure something you’ve been told a lot, I want it to be an encouraging reminder to have prayer, scripture, and worship be your first line of defense and not your last resort.

Each year will bring different emotions to your grief. Friend, go easy on yourself. It’s OK to not be OK. You’re allowed to cry, to have an evening home, or time spent sharing your struggle with someone close to you. Don’t compare your grief journey to others. Don’t hold yourself to an unrealistic expectation.

Because the truth is, your life has forever changed when your loved one breathed their last breath on earth. You’re changing from the inside out and as someone who has gone through this, don’t stifle that change. Don’t believe the lies that when you change or experience joy again that it means your cutting ties with your loved one.

Your love for them will never waiver and your memories will always be with you. Nothing will ever change that. But you, you are a different person and when you allow yourself to change and adapt to this new life without that person, I believe you will come to love the new you. Especially if you allow Jesus on that journey, He will bring the good out of an awful situation and use it for His glory. (Romans 8:28).

This holiday season I want to encourage you to take your grief and lay it at the feet of Jesus. To celebrate the life of the person you lost while still having joy during this time of the year. And you’ll be able to do so through prayer, knowing the Word, and worshiping your savior.

1 Peter 5:7 says, “Casting all your anxieties on Him because he cares for you.”

Heather Margiotta is a Christian Writer and Speaker from northeast Ohio. She is a wife to a loving husband and a mother to three handsome sons. She received a Bachelor’s degree in Theology and writes about her faith, adoption, relationships, and grief on her blog, HeatherMargiotta.com. Besides loving Jesus and her family, Heather is obsessed with coffee, local pizza joints, and nail polish. Find her on Instagram and Facebook.

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