Is Vision Loss Like Being in a Cocoon, or a Free Butterfly?

Footloose and fancy-free in college, my life was about to take a turn. Diagnosed with a rare, progressive eye disease between my freshman and sophomore year, I wondered how soon I’d be trapped in a tight cocoon.

Would I ever be a free butterfly?  

In my latest post, I shared how hindrances were minimal during the day, but nighttime was as confining as the darkness during a power outage in the city. Forced to move up front to read the chalkboard in classes, my eyes followed the professors’ arms to guess the words being written. Homework grew more challenging too. I could only read three pages in thirty minutes before falling asleep, for over an hour. Desperate, I hired several readers. After an assignment, I’d give one a call to check their schedule. If available, we met and they took my textbook with a tape recorder and a cassette tucked inside. When done, they returned it and I followed along in the text while listening to
the tape before my next class period. Times that by five and you’ll understand my routine.

To avoid being thought of as stuck-up, I quickly memorized friend’s clothes, the way they walked, and their hair styles. Being considered clumsy was the only mobility intrusion in college during the daytime. I felt as independent as anyone else, especially since I could drive during the day. Landmarks soon replaced the reading of signs while driving.

Living alone as a teacher, I felt mostly free. Housework wasn’t too difficult and reading was easy with magnifying  glasses. Shopping had to be done on weekends during daylight though. I memorized what aisles products were located in. Rather than relying on letters, I also committed to memory packaging colors, logos, and shapes.

Nighttime, however, held me hostage in my own home. Bound by darkness, I worked on lesson plans using pen because pencil looked like invisible ink.

Once on disability, new loss faced me daily. Appliances were marked with glue dots for my independence. Special machines and equipment were used to read lists, but not books. Even worse, I surrendered my driver’s license. Shopping even became tougher as increasing varieties of products made choices impossible. Constantly moving them for marketing purposes didn’t help either.

Mobility outside became impossible…no more retrieving mail by myself. Inside, increased lighting and contrasting colors were a must. More and more I became dependent on memory and feel. Walking was reduced to a puppy shuffle to avoid objects left by kids. The world as I knew it had now shrunken.

Over time, I realized everyone has issues, dilemmas, and problems requiring adjustments. There are seasons in life as well. With each, comes a new normal. Freedom and beauty can be found in each phase. I absolutely love being at home by myself where blindness isn’t in the forefront, especially now with newer, accessible technology. Take me to a crowd, though, and I fight panic attacks. The noise overload leaves me disoriented, unable to distinguish where it’s coming from.

Despite feeling like a bound butterfly thrashing to escape at times, I faced my fears and sorrows, knowing I couldn’t go around them. I would have to go through them instead. Choosing not to stay in denial or depression, I asked for God’s strength. He set me FREE into a world with a different view…a view of people’s hurting hearts. He gave me the ability and pathway to help them.

I’ve picked up a few new skills along the way enabling me to homeschool, run a business, be a pastor’s wife, teach children’s’ church, and now write. My most unique skill is recognizing church members by their coughs, sneezes, and other noises I won’t mention. Impressive, huh?

Don’t let your struggles hold you captive. Instead, let every trial turn into a triumph…setting you as free as a butterfly.

What struggles have made you that make you feel like a trapped caterpillar in a cocoon? Please share in the comments below. Then, feel free to read related stories I’ve written for more encouragement. For your added convenience, sign up to have every post delivered in your inbox where it says to subscribe.

Thanks for sharing part of your day to read my thoughts or experiences. I greatly appreciate it, and your sharing my posts with your friends.

© 2016 – 2019, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.