How Much Persuasion Does Friendliness Have?

The Supreme Court’s recent decision on same-sex marriages has stirred up much conversation and opinions. It stirred up more than that with me. A memory resurfaced from my college days at Emporia State University. It was in the early 1980’s where I sat in a Human Sexuality class. We were told during the previous class period we would have a panel of  homosexuals speaking about their lifestyles.

Upon arriving at class, I listened to the murmurs and complaints about having to listen to such grotesqueness (at least that was the consensus of the crowd). Comments such as, “That’s disgusting,” and, “I don’t see how anyone can be that way,” came from nearby. An even louder voice rose above, “I could never be friends with a pervert.” I settled in my chair on the front row next to a friend from a Bible-study I attended who struggled with homosexuality herself. Definitely was an interesting situation to be in. The first speaker spoke. She happened to be a Resident Assistant from the same residence hall in which I was a Resident Assistant. I quickly saw and heard people listen a little closer as they leaned forward and a hush came over the class. A break soon was called and the comments in the hall were, “That’s not as bad as I thought it would be,” and, “She seems so normal except for being attracted to women.” I then resumed my seat as the first homosexual Methodist preacher took his turn. Definitely enlightening. My interpretation of God’s Word differed though. As people chattered after class, their fear of homosexuals went to acceptance of them, and finally, lost their belief it was even wrong. They actually empathized with the speakers feeling sorry they were viewed differently.

This observation has been reinforced over the years. It was most noticeable when my youngest daughter would complain about how someone hurt her feelings. She didn’t want to be their friend any longer, or if it was family, wanted to go without talking to them. Before an hour had passed, she’d be talking to the offender. When questioned, she’d  simply say, “They needed me,” or they did a kind deed. Yes, this is typical of teenagers, but happens to us all.

Other ways I’ve seen this same reaction is when people are ignorant about a group or culture. Judgemental of a certain race, like Indians, they meet a friendly one, then assume all Indians are nice. It might be a disability group like the deaf. All it takes is for someone to meet someone nice with human tendencies, and they assume all deaf are the same.

My point is, whether we’re afraid, ignorant, or angry, our beliefs are highly influenced by emotions. A positive or negative encounter with one individual often transfers to a larger group, such as a business, race, disability, religion, or culture. How many times have you heard someone not want to go to church because their ex-pastor had an affair with a board member’s wife, or someone in their family had been victimized in some way by a church leader. On the contrary, how many go where the preacher is friendly, outgoing, but doesn’t teach the whole truth of God’s Word or has hidden sin? The danger here is we mistake our “feeling” and emotion for the truth.

Begin to embrace uniqueness. For example, I’m a wife who happens to be blind. If you previously thought blind people were bitter then met me, my friendliness shouldn’t carry to the blind. I’m a person first. Learn to appreciate friendliness  from an individual without accepting the beliefs of the group they represent. Recognize an individual character trait as just that. Definitely don’t let friendliness blind you from unknowingly changing beliefs.

Can you share an experience you’ve observed this same principle?

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