My fingers flew across my keyboard. Pausing to check the time, I pressed a button on my talking watch to announce the time. I realized I failed again.
I didn’t make the deadline again. No manuscript submission for me.
Face grimmest, I muttered aloud, “I never get done in time! I don’t know why I try to be an author – when I continuously fail.”
Feelings of failure hit me all the time, from small things to large.
Can you relate?
Maybe I should ask how often those feelings arise instead.
Feelings of Failure
Failing is part of living, yet we have a tendency to feel like a failure when we shouldn’t, or longer than we should.
Feeling like a failure stinks but isn’t preventable. Most of the time, these feelings flee rather quickly. When they don’t, they create havoc and need to be defeated to ward off bad moods and depression.
Have you ever felt like a failure when you . . .
*burnt supper when expecting guests
*forgot a necessary item at the grocery store
*ran out of gas on way to work
*forgot part of your sermon when preaching
*missed an important event
*couldn’t comfort a loved one to your satisfaction
*didn’t get hired after giving your best interview
*couldn’t control your temper, get out of depression or anxiety without medication
*weren’t able to witness to a loved one before they passed away
*your teenager gets in trouble hanging out with the wrong crowd
We all have felt like a failure from time to time. If left unchecked, feelings of failure can destroy us from the inside out. We can beat ourselves up, drudging up old mistakes and failures in our mind.
These feelings of failure like to bump, dump, and tump us into anxiety, or worse, depression that can last from minutes to years.
Wouldn’t it be nice to prevent this catastrophe?
You can!
Defeat Feelings of Failure
How do you handle it when feelings of failure smother you like gravy over a biscuit?
Do you hang on, stew over them until they boil, or tell them to vacate the premises?
Think about this. Where do the feelings of failure originate?
From the mind – naturally.
The good news is if these feelings originate in our thoughts, then we can change our focus to better ones. This defeats our feelings of failure by refocusing on thoughts that replace our negative feelings with healthier ones.
Now that is worth getting EXCITED over!
My Writing Failures
When my writing journey began in 2011, I felt like a failure as a writer and author almost every day.
With dwindling vision from a progressive eye disease, I was excited to discover an affordable screen reader, allowing me to use a computer again after being unable to for fifteen years.
A desire to write a book emerged.
To my surprise, and delight, a publisher at a writing conference personally invited me to send in a nonfiction book proposal.
I researched and read on writing proposals, but before it was even half done, the publishing company went belly up. I had failed at my first, and probably only opportunity to publish a book.
From that point forward, I encountered these obstacles:
*a friend with technical expertise had planned on creating my blog website but fell through. Took two years to find someone else.
*Unable to post my own blog posts or do graphics, I hired a virtual assistant, or assistants as they dropped like flies. It took years to find someone reliable.
*I couldn’t use social media with my screen reader to advertise my blog.
*It took five years to start building a readership for my blog.
*Technical limitations prevented my work from being edited for a few years.
*I found a writing coach to hire, but a money shortage postponed this endeavor.
*Deadlines for writing assignments by my writing coach were never met.
*After self-publishing books, I didn’t sell enough to order a pizza, let alone break even.
*No product sales since creating my shop.
Failure after failure, so how did I persevere?
How did I defeat those feelings of failure instead of falling into the pit of despair?
Isaiah 28:23 NLT
Three Defeating Thoughts
1. Change expectations – yours and others
My writing expectations were too high – unrealistic for being blind.
Lower expectations by breaking goals down into bite-size pieces, providing frequent levels of success.
Sometimes we perceive expectations placed on us by others that aren’t really there. We want to please them, and in doing so, fall short of what we believe is expected of us, leaving us feeling like a failure.
When this happens, communicate, and clarify, in order to learn the other person’s real expectations instead of our perceived ones. After all, it might have been a suggestion or our imagination.
There are times we aren’t able to meet someone else’s expectation so have to change theirs. For example, we may have to educate and enlighten a boss or co-worker that certain tasks require additional time, assistance, or training for us to be successful. Speak up for yourself. A little nervousness is better than prolonged anxiety.
2. Accept what you cannot control.
I love the Serenity Prayer. It states, we need to accept the things we cannot change.
Sometimes failure is a result of circumstances we cannot change. They are outside our control. Someone might be sick or not show up, equipment might break, or a tragedy might strike, like getting vomited all over by your dog as you were going out the door.
In these cases, don’t blame yourself. Pick up your chin and get back in the saddle as soon as possible. Or change clothes before leaving and risk being late over stinking.
3. View failures as learning blocks.
Successful people always emphasize, “You haven’t failed, if you learn from your mistake.”
I agree 100%. We can learn from it or use it as practice.
Ask yourself why this might have happened, then focus on brainstorming for a way to do it differently next time.
Congrats! You just changed your focused from failure to a possible solution, in hopes of success.
In doing so, you might learn to:
*prepare sooner
*allow more time
*sleep more
*eat healthier
*communicate better
Trust God more in all things.
The worst-case scenario is you failed at one task. Will you even remember it in a year? Five years?
The best case is you learn to trust God more next time over your own abilities.
For me, my writing journey continues to set new goals. I need to earn money writing in order to publish a book series on miracles that have been stored in my files for four years now. It takes money to hire editors, cover design, and much more.
Does not publishing them yet mean I failed?
No, of course not!
In fact, the stories have ministered to me during some of our hardest storms or battles in life all this time. I know God’s timing is perfect.
He may not have wanted them published yet because I needed a larger audience. It could be to allow my writing skills to improve to make them sell better when they are published.
God has a plan and purpose for me and for you.
If we are following Him in every step of our lives, we aren’t failing. Let Him remind you of these three thoughts so you can defeat feelings of failure every time Satan tries to convince you otherwise.
Please share this with your friends and family so they can defeat their feelings of failure as well.
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© 2022, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.
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