Has your child ever had doubts when starting school that others will like them? Are they afraid they might fail? How about yourself when job hunting. Or starting a new relationship?
No matter our age, no matter the circumstance, we all struggle with self-confidence from time to time. Since we do, it is easy to overlook ANXIETIES our children might have when starting a new school year.
These tips should enable you to develop your child’s confidence, show you how to foster confidence in others you work with or are close to, and improve your own confidence.
People tend to place trust in their abilities, which comes from how capable they feel they are, their relationships, and how they are perceived by others. From this, they assign themselves value or worth, we call self-esteem or self-confidence. Usually low, children with learning disorders, attention problems, or developmental delays struggle the most.
When starting anything NEW – a new school year, a new job, moving to a new town, a new church, or a new relationship, fear and anxiety can easily dominate our mind and emotions. This isn’t unique to age, sex, religion, or ethnicity. Building confidence, or what I also call “empowering” is a major way to remediate this self-doubt and insecurity.
Ideally, gaining understanding as Christians of who we are in Christ builds our confidence in and through Him. There are also practical tips we can implement.
Confidence-building Tips:
- Praise Their Efforts
Verbal praise helps children and adults alike, to know that they have done something good, or correct. It encourages them to try again, thus empowering them. The problem is two-fold. We praise the wrong things, or make our statements too general.
– give praise for effort exhibited on tasks they are not normally good at
i.e. You’ve almost got it.
You got further than before.
– give specific praise
i.e. Instead of “You look nice.” Say, “Your necklace and shoes go so well with that outfit.”
Instead of, “Good job,” say, “You held the ball the correct way.” (Specific praise gives a reference point, making it easy to repeat)
– praise in public
Share accomplishments in natural conversations where the student, child, or employee can overhear, or read.
“You should have seen the way he/she concentrated when learning . . . I wish everyone could do that”
It’s one thing to be told personally, but to know your efforts were appreciated enough to share with others, really builds confidence.
- Share your Struggles and Solution
Tell part of your personal story to encourage and give HOPE. This shows the child or adult they are not alone, it can be done, and puts them at ease. I’ve used this with children, with our employees, and with volunteers and church members in the ministry.
Finish by explaining how you came up with a solution. Help them brainstorm for solutions themselves, which builds more confidence.
If drawing a blank, simply explain, “Everyone has a hard time with something in life. Some overcome by trying over and over.”
- It’s the Journey; not the Destination
Teaching this principle transfers the focus from the results, like grades or promotions, to enjoying the process. For example, our son had an activity to follow directions by making cookies independently. . .without assistance. When his chocolate chip cookies resembled cow patties, we shared how this was exactly how new inventions and creations were made, replacing his feeling of failure with success.
- Teach New Things
Doing a task? Ask assistance from children, employees, or volunteers. They can try something new with your guidance. In our feeding ministry, it was exciting to watch volunteers try new things. . .moments of discovery.
Stepping out of your COMFORT ZONE and accomplishing even a small part, builds confidence.
Tips for Children Only:
- Surround them with SUPPORT.
Having a group of peers to cheer them on makes a world of difference, so be sure to find friends with similar abilities, or compassionate and understanding children.
- Reinforce Your Unconditional Love
Kids carry a lot of unseen stress, and may feel like they’re letting you down if they’re not successful in school. Feeling loved makes them believe no matter what, they are accepted and cared for by their family. Make sure you say the words, “I love you,” often, and especially at times a child puts forth extra effort trying to please you.
Let’s not forget our children as they start back to school, but remember others you work with have feelings and insecurities, too. Maybe it’s time to let God use you to build confidence in those you love. Better yet, let Him use you to show extra love to those you don’t like or know very well.
© 2020, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.
This is a wonderful topic thank you so much my dear sweet friend,May God continue to bless you with all your ideals & blogs to help our kids & Adults too,Thank you.