“When the sap goes up and when the sap goes down, people tend to pass away,” a dear church member informed my husband and me years ago. Since, I’ve watched, and tend to agree.
So much loss occurs during the holiday season and the loss of loved ones continues until springtime.
In our grieving, aren’t you glad losing someone we love doesn’t mean we have to lose our connection?
I am!
We can actually find ways to remember them that make us feel connected.
Not only that, but there are many circumstances in life where we grieve the loss of a loved one for other reasons. It is possible to stay connected to them also.
Other Reasons:
- the “empty nest” season
- military service
- missionary family members
- incarceration
- overseas jobs
Praise God, no matter the type of loss, we can still feel connected to the loved one we cannot see regularly, or never. We have the power to change our focus from loss and pain to the solution.
Doing so is an added benefit. There are many benefits to feeling connected, including reduced anxiety. However, seeking to find a way to feel connected doesn’t come naturally.
Thanks to these ideas, we can integrate them into our daily lives and feel connected sooner than later, or not at all.
To start, allow your mind to recall memories of this person.
Ask yourself:
- What activities did they participate in or attend?
- Are there objects that remind you of them, especially a gift?
- Did they have words or phrases unique to them?
- What places of interest did they like to go?
- What were some of their favorite foods, colors, or types of clothes?
They might have even had certain mannerisms. We can take these memories and turn them into ways to celebrate their existence and feel connected.
5 Ways to Feel Connected to Loved Ones
1. Activities.
If you shared an activity together, choose to continue doing so, if not too painful. This could be hiking, fishing, sporting events, taking classes, sharing a hobby, or watching certain types of movies together.
If it is an activity they did and you did not, you may want to consider starting to do so. For example, my mom watched her beloved K.C. Chiefs so some of the family now does as well, to feel connected with her.
If your missed loved one lives away, you could do this activity when they visit.
2. Objects/gifts.
If your loved one has bought or made an object for you in the past, make sure it is near your desk, bedside, or whatever room you spend the most time in. The ability to glance at it often will provide much comfort, and make you feel connected at that moment.
If you’re like me, you will want to find something a bit more tangible, like a pillow or stuffed animal to hold. Wearing their jewelry or shirt works, too.
3. Words.
Naturally, I love words. Think of a unique saying or repeated phrase used by your dearest. Adopting a few into your own vocabulary connects you in a special way. I believe that’s called bonding. LOL. This is one of my husband and I’s favorite ways to help keep past church members alive to us.
4. Places/Hangouts.
Where did the person you are missing hang out? Did they vacation in a certain spot every year? Did they attend local football games or attend Nascar? How about fishing at a particular pond or lake? Did they ride bikes or horses in a particular area? Maybe they ate out every Friday night at a barbecue restaurant.
Wherever they went, you might find yourself going there as well, as if they were there. Being in the same place makes you feel connected.
One of our church members walked around Wal Mart every day after drinking coffee at McDonalds, then sometime throughout the day, he would sit at the river for a few minutes, so all of these remind me of him.
Obviously, church is where many of our loved ones leave us behind.
5. Favorites.
Your missed loved one has or had favorite foods and forms of entertainment. Every time you see, hear, or taste one of their favorites, you are once again staying connected.
To this day, when I eat spaghetti, I think of our oldest daughter. Shoe departments remind me of both of our girls. Peanut butter sandwiches remind me of my dad, and grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwiches remind me of my oldest grandson.
I will add eating at Long John Silver’s and Red Lobster to remember my mom by.
Wearing their favorite color on their birthdays is another idea. If you buy the same cologne or perfume, you could wear it occasionally when missing them.
There are hundreds of ways to feel connected. You can even plant their favorite tree or invite a foreign college student to dinner if that was one of the things they did.
These simple ideas can get you started feeling connected to many you miss. It helps solidify your grieving.
Don’t be surprised if you find yourself doing more of these at particular times of the year than others. That’s called living life to its fullest.
Make sure you are feeling connected to Christ through prayer, fellowship, and the reading of His Word, for He is the cord that connects us all so we can live more abundantly.Thanks for taking the time to read this and for sharing it with your friends. Please stay connected with me on social media or hangout with me in the Facebook Group, Changing Focus with Jena Fellers
© 2024, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.
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