Have you ever wished for a parenting manual?
I have.
Parenting is tough, no matter who you are. Any of these circumstances can make it even more challenging:
- your upbringing
- age and attitude of becoming a parent
- the number of children you have
- your income or educational level
- your family dynamics.
- child’s health
- child’s temperament
- child’s ability to learn fast or slow
- our marital status
- job demands and schedule changes
In my situation, I married a little later in life, inheriting two teenage children to raise. Two years later, I gave birth to our youngest – all while losing vision.
A rare, hereditary, progressive eye disease called Retinitis Pigmentosa was the culprit.
Being a parent with little to no vision never gets a normal reaction. People either think it impossible so you shouldn’t be allowed, or they admire you. No middle ground.
Regardless, most are curious as to how it’s done.
Newly married with two teenagers, whom I home schooled was harder to adapt to than my visual impairment. Building a relationship and adjusting to my new roles, took more energy than simply reminding them to put things away so I didn’t trip.
Over time, though, parenting challenges emerged with more vision loss. These challenges may or may not reflect those of other blind or visually impaired parents.
In fact, while yours may be somewhat different, the lessons you learned might be found in those I list after this.
10 Parenting challenges
1. Not driving.
Surrendering my driver’s license within my first year of marriage meant losing my independence, creating mental anguish. It stole my ability to run necessary errands, which was a responsibility I desired to do to take care of my family. It also added more planning.
Relying on others never came easy for me. Can you imagine humbling yourself to your new teenage children to drive you around instead of vice versa?
2. Home educating.
The teens transitioned to public high school, giving me a reprieve before pregnancy stole more of my vision. It deteriorated quite a bit by the time schooling began.
The challenges were in constantly developing my creativity and resourcefulness with continual vision loss. Her educational needs changed just as quickly, turning lesson planning for this slow-poke, into a year-round event.
3. Disappearing items.
“Where is…?” was asked often when preparing to cook or clean. Teaching and checking chores was easy, but their remembering everything had its place was another story.
When I needed an item, it had found a new home, been borrowed without recollection of doing so, or worse, moved two inches away.
Okay, I’ll confess. I have a terrible sense of touch. I can touch the correct object, and not know it. And, just maybe, the kids got blamed a few times when innocent.
Have you ever had to learn to apologize?
4. Sitting on the sideline.
This challenge encompasses a lot. Attending my children’s sporting events, art exhibits, or plays, unable to see movement left me bored and anxious.
They desired my presence, so I wanted to be there, but fought internally.
Equally impacting was the inability to take photographs to let memories linger.
Eventually, all public places with crowds created nervousness, with the exception of our actual church services where we pastored, although fellowship dinners and other types of events still did.
5. Shopping.
As a mom, I wanted to pick up favorite foods or cute items on sale . . . especially at Christmas. I LOVE bargains! Instead, shopping became hard work. I prepared lists making sense to whomever was assisting. I learned every family members and friends’ skills. It took knowing who was gifted at which type of shopping, as well as the best method to communicate . . . taking pleasure out of most shopping.
Increased varieties in products, stores constantly moving merchandise for marketing purposes, and new tactics of couponing and codes with online shopping, compounded the task even further.
Not every friend automatically loves dragging a blind person around describing things to them.
6. Teaching God’s Word.
As a Christian parent, the most important thing for me to teach was God’s Word. When sighted, I wrote verses using colored highlighters on white note cards, or black marker on colored index cards. To memorize, I hung them on bathroom mirrors and the refrigerator.
By the time I became a parent, this method was no longer practiced. Neither did I have the capability to model my prayer journaling, Bible highlighting practices, and note-taking during sermons.
I did tell them about it, along with telling as many Bible stories as possible. I lived my faith in front of them, seeing a relationship with Jesus instead of acts of duty.
In both home school and memory verses from church, I memorized the scriptures right along beside them. That never felt good enough. Besides, reading the Bible was a challenge in itself while losing sight. I graduated from large print to giant print in 3 volumes, followed by reading short amounts using a CCTV (closed circuit television machine to cassette tapes (KJV only).
I was delighted when able to listen to CD’s in my preferred translation, but couldn’t read verse by verse – just chapters. Since I have used at least 3 other means.
7. Bedtime.
At the close of the day, I always dreamed of reading a book to my child on my lap at bedtime then tucking them in, saying prayers, and kissing them goodnight. This routine wasn’t possible for me since I couldn’t read without using special equipment. Tucking them in wasn’t always an option either when the floors were in disarray.
I’m sure your kids’ rooms never get that way, but walking amongst piles of clothes, and more, isn’t conducive to someone without sight. Nonetheless, we persevered, and made sure goodnight hugs and kisses were always given.
8. Cooking.
Gathering ingredients and reading recipes always took me extra time when visually impaired. In the beginning, I was able to set the table, but messes began occurring so we had to dip things from the stove top.
Repeating meals helped somewhat, but the time came when someone had to set out the ingredients for me since the pantry seemed to rearrange itself.
Before losing all my sight, I learned how to fry or cook some meats and foods by time. Then I got so slow and took so much concentration that some foods I avoided altogether, or had my husband cook.
Now, he does the bulk of the cooking. I help him when time allows but prefer cooking only when I have time without many distractions.
My favorite part is planning menus and making grocery lists.
9. Medicine.
Thankful for a healthy family, who also happens to have a high tolerance to pain, medications weren’t necessary much. A bottle of ibuprofen was all that was needed until the baby came along.
My husband had to take over that responsibility.
I had to engage memory as cold medicines, allergy medicines, medicines for scrapes and burns, poison ivy, and other things filled my cabinets. I usually memorize the basic shapes and locations since I’m unable to read braille.
10. Technology
Technology has opened a whole new world for me yet holds continuous challenges.
First, I sat on the side lines listening to friends use words like “Email”, “online”, “forums”, “apps”, “social media”, “thumb drives”, and “USB ports”, in my presence without my having a clue as to what they were talking about.
When searching, anything accessible cost an arm and a leg so I continued to sit on the sidelines. When I finally found something affordable, I had lots of learning challenges.
Yes, you can teach an old dog new tricks, as I started at age 50.
The deal was, technology advances faster than the accessibility portion, throwing me back in time where I once again sat on the sidelines of life.
I overcame to a degree with the help of friends who supported my blogging and writing. However, frustration looms as I read about exciting things, I want to try but can’t. Accessible technology hasn’t caught up. I get done what I do, thanks to my techie, talented friend, Callie. She’s a “Godsend”.
Lessons Learned
Being a positive person, I wanted to also share the lessons I learned. See how many of these lessons you’ve already learned.
- Realizing every parent has their own sets of challenges, showed me I don’t need to feel inferior. None are perfect. My job is to quit comparing and train up the children God bestowed me with.
• true pleasure comes from the journey and the lessons learned throughout; not meeting the status quo or having your child be the best according to the world’s standards.
• let others’ pleasures become yours
- Our children are unique so a parenting manual couldn’t cover everything we need to know. This is a hands-on job. Trial and error, taking one step at a time.
• I married the right man who truly completed me . . . a helpmate indeed!
• a family is a team working together for the good of all, each one doing what they can. Goo TEAMWORK!
- When each wee one is born, so is a dream for their life. When challenges thwart our dreams, God gives us new ones.
Never give up! There is no mistake made that can’t turn into good.
If you’re struggling, feel free to reach out to me through my contact form. I’d be glad to help encourage you and make a battle plan of attack. Be blessed!
© 2024, Jena Fellers. All rights reserved.
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